~MoO MoO~: Self Doubt (deja vu)

Friday, March 25, 2005
「 love was in the air, 12:04 AM 」

Haizz~~ i'm going through self doubt again... Haizz~~ what's new? just went onto friendster after nearly a month to look at some of my friends' new photos and messages... I don't usually contact Jovin (a fren since kindergarten). In fact, i don't even remember talking to Jovin for at least a year and before the gathering last year, i didn't even contact her for 6 years! BUT... today i HAD to get a birthday reminder and get reminded of her and HAD to see her photo in Friendster and HAD to realise that she's attached to another one of my primary school friend. What a coincidence!!!
Haizz~~ For those of u who frequent my blog, u know what i'm gonna start talking about. Am i really weird? Am i really one of the last few souls in my primary, secondary and JC class girls to be attached? Am i really the ONLY one who has never really fallen in love before? Oh well, i know that i am NOT a freak... at least not weird enuff to be called a freak yet...there is nothing wrong with me. From what my friends tell me, i know i have a great personality and i'm a person who is capable of critical and independent thinking... I know that too. I also think that i'm ok girlfriend material(a bit BHB but i know that once i'm in love, i WILL treasure him)...Ok. So all conditions fulfilled... so what's wrong? Why don't i feel that all my good points are being recognised and being loved by someone?
Just this afternoon, i was having lunch with Chris and we were talking about relationships and me... I told her about the standards i set for my guy and she was telling me that i'm a little too demanding and perhaps i should lower my standards. Afterall, there aren't many guys around who can meet my standards... My reply? I don't see why i have to do that. I don't think i'm being very demanding... i only want a guy who knows how to enjoy the finer things in life. A simple musical, a nice glass of red wine, a simple dinner at home (i dun even mind just hawker centre food larhh) for two with a nice cd playing at the back, a simple movie. Is it really that tough to find a guy who is willing to teach me about wine appreciation and enjoy a simple piece of music with me? I will cut him some slack here and there when a few things don't meet up to my expectations anyway... So why is it so hard to find my guy? (Chris: i know i should consider sheen... I think he's nice but er... he's afterall still my prof... not v nice yea?)
Oh well, today's self doubt is slightly different from the past few. Today i do not doubt whether i'm desperate. I AM. I think getting attached is something trendy for people my age and i don't want to lose out and not be at the forefront of this trend BUT that doesn't mean that i am willing to lower my standards...I don't think following this trend should be any reason for me to just GRAB a guy... Today's doubt is about my standards and my expectations of my future possible bf... Am i really too demanding? Should i change my standards? Afterall, with my standards, it's hard to imagine me being able to match up with a guy who's so good...
Pals, if you are reading this blog and wish to comment, please state what u honestly think... Don't console me... I'm ok... I just need to find out whether i've really set impossible standards for my guy to meet.

YYY